Duvidha

I have penned down the following thoughts  based on lives of each one of us who have knowingly or unknowingly suffered from sacrifices or choices they made in their lives. 

   

Duvidha yeh mere Mann ki
Kya Kisko main batlaoon
Rishton sey judey
ehsaason ka dard kisey main dikhlaoon

Yeh kahani hai mere dil ki
Dil se Jude unn ehsaason ki
Jisey samjhana ya samajhpana
Thoda mushkil hai........

Thodi  si uthal puthal iss dil ki
Shant karoon kaise
Duniya ki raftaar se khudd ko jodun
Kaise...

Mann mey ek tufaan hai
Aankhon mey thodi naami hai
Kuch puraney zakhmon SE miley
Dard ki ajeeb si pareshani hai.....

Kuch sawal hain is zindagi se jinka jawaab mil pana mushkil hai
Rishton key dard ka bojh uthapana
Abb Zara mushkil hai....

Kya meri parvarish galat thi ....
ya woh jinko Kush karney ki koshish mainey bhi kabhi ki thi?

Kya karoon ? Kya kahoon? Kya dikhawa karoon? Key kuch samman aur pyar unn aham rishton ko bhi miley Jinkey honey see Mera wajood hai.......

Yeh dard ka silsila bhi ajeeb hai Jo khatm hi nahi hota
Chahey laakh koshish karloon abb
Unn khoshion key ghar ka pata hi  nahi milta....

Dil karta hai puchoon unse ki
Kya meri galti hai
Thodi si toh zindagi hai
Kya maan abhimaan  ka hona zaroori hai...

Paar do kadam agey badh key phir ruk jaatey Hain ..
aur phir khamoshi sey.....
chubhtey hue dard ka samna kartey Hain

Kuch rishton ki pareshani mey
Khudd key astitva ko khoya
Apni hi kadar naa ki kabhi
Iss baat PE  ye dil hamesha roya...

Roz ayina dekhti hoon aur
Khood ki aankhon mey chipi naami ko
Ponchti Hoon.
Roz joonjhti Hoon khudsey aur kahti Hoon key nazar andaaz kar unki kahi baton ko....

Paar laakh koshishon ke baawajood
Bhi sambhal nahi pati khud ko.

kuch rishton key tootney ki awaz toh nahi hoti
lekin unkey judey honay ki khushi bhi nahi hoti.....

Kahtey Hain zindigi ka Humsafar hi
Apna dost hai
Khushnaseeb hun key iss dost ney abb tak Saath nibhaya hai..

Aur issi dost ki khatir hi Maine usse judey rishton key ghawaon ko jiya hai.

Aab dost bhi Kya karey ....

Uska wajood bhi tohh inhi rishton sey hai...
Unsey sawal karega toh rishtey toot jayengey
Phir hum dono milkey iss ghum ko kya
Jee payengey?

Aab to maut hi inn ghawon see mujhey juda kar paayegi..
Parr  jina hai abhi mujhko
kyonki
Mere sapnon ney ek chotisi udaan bhari hai ...

Iss choti si udaan ney Ashaon ki dastak di hai...
Merey Astitva key honay ki ek nayi  kahani  likhi hai...

Kuch mithi kuch Karwi si zindagi
Sikhati humein bahot kuch hai...
Dawa samajh Kay pilo isey toh
Zindagi bahot khoobsoorat hai ....
Zindagi bahot khoobsoorat hai.....

COMPLETED ON FEB 13TH 2019( started 3years back)

Moments and memories

Memories from past

Memories from present

Memories captured through 

My Camera lense

Its a story of your childhood

And a phase of innocence

Which I had cherished With

Every passing moment.

I held you in my hand and

I looked into your eyes

I kissed at your cheeks

And sang the llulaby.

I touched your soft fingers

And I touched your small toes

Then I waited for the moment

To hug you very close.

I loved your toothless laugh

And your lovely sparkly eyes

A memory from past 

Which will never fade away 

To say bye bye....

I clicked  your wobbly dance

Which you did when you walked

I clicked your funny song

 when you first said brrrr...

I remember those words 

which you Loved to say....

They were fan, fish and carrrr

Which you babbled whole day...

Deep

Your maa 

Date ?? 7years back ...

Lost in dream for a day...

Can days become longer? 

Can clock stop ticking aroud 

to remind me that our weekend fun is over?

If yes 

then I wish I could  go back here again

to just walk around in this beautiful place, 

where I can feel the fresh air filled with mild fragrance of beautiful plumeria spread across this rural galleria...

where I can see real dragon flies hovering over lotus pond 

and  see leaping frogs catching bugs creating ripples in this watery pond.

Where I can hear frogs croaking 

and hear high pitched crickets chirping  away from noisy vehicles near by...

A real and magical experience  

sometimes tough to buy..

It was a day which I wished  

gifting to my son 

Which he could relate with the bed time stories
he heard to enter the world of imagination....

A place with in the city
but  away from noise and polloution
Just in the cradle of traquility...
Where thoughts were floating
To touch your emotion.. 

Where I can clearly hear chirping birds whole day
and see pretty butterflies fluttering around and  play
sucking nectar from flowers
In the month of April and May...
Where heart is always happy
Singing  songs you always need to play....

Where I can see my son
 exploring a new world
with a surprise in his eyes
Having so much fun

Where he spotted a chameleon hidden
Amazed by its blend
Peeping through the climbers
asking  "mumma is it real?"

A sweet little face
 asking endless question
It was his first encounter with lotus flower and its petals open.

Where he touched the dew drops fallen on grass,
As he stopped to feel the breeze
and asked " why does lotus flower's petal closes on sunset ? "
Mumma "can you tell me why I don't see it always?"

Where I could watch him excited to  pluck chickoo, papaya and guava,
Running in the orchard of  lemon, mango, and banana

Where I could see my son running
Into open space
with a stick and kite in his hand
And satisfaction on his face...

Where I could see him running with his dad chasing a football
 While trying to aim a target
with catapult and make it fall.
 A whole new process making him a bit upset
when he was not able to kick the ball higher
or hit the target.

Where I could see him making pot with his two little hands
 and then teaching his dad to mould it  perfect with his clayey wet hands

He seemed quite confident
making it for  fourth time
As he learnt it from a potter
Not so long ago in his fun time..

Where I could see his cute little eyes smiling at the sight of small fishes
Passing by...
Which according to him were not tickling his feet
They were just  kissing his toes dipped in water not so deep....

Where I can find a child hidden in me long lost somewhere,
while learning catapult firing and cycle tyre racing in the midsummer fresh air...

Where I could just sit and humm the tune of that memorable song
Captured in thoughts of golden days long gone......
" aa chal ke tujhey main leke chaloon ek aise gagan key taley .....jahan gum bhi na ho aansoo bhi na ho... baas pyar hi pyar Paley....."

Where I could sing the song of dream to my son
Creating a bond of love and affection "...aao tumhey chaand pe le Jaen...pyar bharey sapney saajaen...chota sa bangla banaen ....ek nayi duniya saajaen....."

But alas! I can't stop the clock
which is always ticking
or can make the days longer when my heart is happily beating .....

As to go back in this dreamland I will have to buy some more time...
one more day of happiness
Is waiting to say hello
And is just passing by.....

Deep
1st June 2015
@ our native village
An Eco resort.
Hessarghatta

Spring shower

A soothing fragrance of soil
drifted with spring breeze..
Reminding  of those days
when these small things used to please

Tiny droplets of spring shower  touched the surface of dusty leaves
Creating spots and leaving marks
It's a surprise of nature indeed...

Following my footsteps one voice
Echoed few lines
It was surprising to hear my son 

who was turning to be nine.

He felt the rhythm of nature
And uttered few lovely lines
Making me share the thoughts with you
Which were really not mine ....

"This fragrance of wet soil is the costliest perfume in the entire world
It never comes twice but comes only once
It's a gift of nature which no one can buy
I wish I could have it forever,"

he said
With a lovely innocent smile...

My heart aches for those days
When I was also a child
Away from worries, away from chaos
And  problems were just volatile...

Crazy demands of
materialistic world
Pushing us towards this
catastrophic twirl..

Where minds are corrupted
and life is not simple
Do you think
we have stopped living happy,....
with that small little tinkle?

Can't we go back
to those golden childhood days?
When simple things
were easily seen 

Making us innocent
and true human beings
Stuck with sugar candy
forever on our chin..

13th Feb 2019(Inspired by the thoughts of my son and conversation with my hubby)

Sakhi

Aye sakhi....
Yeh Kahani nahin
Haquiqat hai
Jo Teri.... aur meri
Kismet ki rekhaon
NE milkey.... ek naya
Kissa likha  hai...
Ek naya sapna dekha hai...

Dekha hai Sapna ek  bhavishya ka
Jahan Sthaan hoga Teri aur meri ichchaaon ka...
Kyon inn ichchaaon ko dabaayen hum
Aa iss Duniyan ka Nav Nirmaan
Karen hum

Teri aur meri mamta iss Nirmaan
Ki neev hain...
Aa milkey iss Nirmaan ko prabal banayen
Nari key samman kaa Sthaan sajaayen

Aa Karey milkey Koshish
Ek aisi Duniyan ke rachana kii
Jahan Teri aur meri mamta milkey
Raksha Karey Nari ke samman kii....

Aa kuch shiksha aisi dein
Key jag tera samman karey
Tu Janani hai uss santaan kii
Jo Nari ka... Dilse maan Karey...

Deep
8th March 2015

Dhooriyan

Sham ka waqt tha .....main balcony mey

apni armchair pey baithe dhoor suraj ko

doobta dekh rahi thi

Mere ghar se nikal ke ek rasta

Gali key nukkad pe mudta hai

jispey kaii logon ka aana jana

chalta hai...................................

Achanak!! ek parchai....

kuch jani pehchani

samney se aati dikhlai di...

chashma pehan key dekha toh

bhi... thik pehchan naa saki

Kuch der saans mano tham si gayi

phir unn dinon ki dhoondli yaadon

mey gum ho gayi............

phir....... achanak ek awaz sunai di

mano darwazey pe kisi ney dastak ki

Unkey jaaney ke baad .........

koi toh mere ghar aata nahi tha

phir achanak yeh aaj kaun aa gaya?

Kaanp tey hue kadmon ko sambhala

thees kadmon ki dhoori pe khadey

Darwazey ko khola

Darwaza khola toh dekha

Security guard khada tha

Usney mere haath mey parchi

thamatey hue kaha... yeh sahab

aapsey milney aye hain

Mainey parchi kholke dekha

uspey kisi ka naam likha tha

haath ki likhai pehchani si lagi

aur naam bhi pehchana tha

Phir se barson baad unka chehra

samney aya tha...............

Kuch der khadi sochti rahi

phir security guard bola.......

kya hua madam......aap janti hain unhey

kya kahoon jakar ...

Aap milengi unsey?

Mainey hichkichatey hue kaha

Haan.......

tum bhejdo... main miloongi unsey

Darwaza khula chod

Main phir balcony mey ja khadi hui

tabhi ..unkey kadmon ki ahat sunai di

Peechey mudkey dekha....

woh khaday thay

kai baras pehlay jo mujhey milay thay

Unkay chehray pe halki jhurriyan thin

Ankhon mey golden chashma

aur balon may halki safedi thi

Unhonay dheemay se aakar poocha

Kaisi ho.........??

main chup rahi

phir poocha ....

Chai peeogay.......?

unhonay kaha

haan...... par bina chinee ki

mainey poocha yeh bina chinee ki

aadat kab dali?

Unhonay kaha ....jabsey tumhari

Parchai saath chod gayi.......

Mainey Ankh utha kar dekha

aur phir hanstey hue kaha

saath chod ke jana toh likha tha

tumney bhi toh kabhi mujhey roka nahi tha

Tumhari zindagi ek alag mod pe khadi thi

meri tumhari soch ke beech ek deewar khadi thi

Saath rehtey toh shayad ek dujey ko

samajh naa paatey

Ladtey jhgadtey hue waqt beetatey

Humara door jaana hi munasib tha

Ek doojey ki kami ke saath jina

yeh zaroori tha................

phir itney salon baad kyon aye ho?

kya kuch choot gaya hai jo lene aye ho?

Wo Kuch tasweerein hain jeenhey dekhti hoon

kuch batein aur kuch meethay pal hain

jeenhey yaad karke hansti hoon

Chaho toh baki sab tum le jana

par inhey yehin tum chod jana...

................................

................................

Par inhey yehin tum chod jana..

___________________________________Deep 11th august 2011

Unkahey sawal

Tum aye meri zindgi mey

ye kissa maine likha tha

Khali pannon mey kayi baar

tumhara naam likhke mitaya tha

Samajh na saki uss rishtey ko

jo mainey tumse joda tha

Pyar tha yaa kewal ek ehsaas

jo mujhey choo key gaya tha

Tumhari woh meethi batein

mere maan ko bhathi thin

Waqt ki kami haar dum

mujhey Satati thin

Choti choti baaton mey

woh ruthna tumhara

choti choti baton mey

woh manana mera

Naa janey kyon aaj bhi

bhoola naa saki

Kya tum bhool paye ho unn Palon ko Kabhi??

kaise samjhaoon is dil ko

key woh rishta toh ek khwab tha

jo peechey choot gaya

khali pannon mey kuch

unkahe sawal chod gaya....

unn sawalon key jawab aaj bhi

main dhoondti hoon

sheeshey mein apni tasweer

dekh khud sey batein karti hoon

Hansti hoon, Rothi hoon

khud ko sambhalti hoon

Phir Jiwan ki nayi shuruat karney

Apney kadam badhati hoon

kaii baar laga ki poochoon tumse

kya yeh dosh kewal mera tha??

jo yeh rishta maine tumsey joda tha..

Samajh naa saki unn ehsason ko

jinko saath jiya tha

pal do pal ka sath sahi

par pyar tumhey bhi hua tha...

par pyar tumhey bhi hua tha....

............................... Deep 10th august 2011